Hi Bug, Mama here.
I remember the day you were born. It was a terrifying, exhilarating, incredible, uncomfortable day that brought us a total miracle. You. Even Daddy cried that day- he never cries.
Those first few weeks were hard and confusing and amazing. Lots of nursing, napping, crying, smiling, snuggling, stinky diapers. Thankfully, Mama was able to stay home for the first couple months of your life and Daddy worked a later shift so everyone could all sleep in together each day. When Mama had to go back to work part-time, it shattered her. Leaving her new, sweet baby was going against all of her instincts. Lucky for Mama and Daddy, they had Gramma to watch you and love on you until Mama got home from work. You love Gramma! Papa too, of course.
Fast forward a few months and you were almost 6 months old! Time sure does fly. Mama decided to quit her job and stay home with you. It made the most sense for a lot of reasons. You and Mama played and laughed, learned new things, cried together when you were frustrating Mama, cooked in the kitchen together, listened to music, laughed at your puppy brother, and waited for Daddy to get home. You loved when Daddy got home, and, you still do! Mama loved staying home with you every day, all day.
Fast forward again and you were a little more than 1.5 years old! How did that happen? Mama and Daddy decided to sell the house you had grown up in so far. Their first house they bought together right before they got married. The house they celebrated in when Mama graduated with her Bachelor’s degree. The house they lived in when they found out they were having you. Lots of memories. Good memories. But, they also didn’t live in the greatest area and they were quickly realizing that it wasn’t the right spot to raise you like they had wanted to. So, they had lots of help from Gramma and Papa to get the house ready to sell. Remember Mama broke her ankle during all of it? Mama is more of a klutz than she lets on, sweet girl. Hopefully you’re more graceful 🙂
When they finally put the house on the market, Mama and Daddy did a lot of thinking. If they wanted to raise you in the place that they envisioned, they couldn’t do it with just Daddy working. Mama needed to have a job again, too. Remember where Mama used to work before and after you were born? Mama liked that place a lot. When a full-time spot opened up in that same office, Gramma told Mama she should apply, even if Mama ended up changing her mind. Gramma has good advice…always remember that.
After a lot of crying and thinking, Mama decided to apply for the job. She waited until the very last day because she was so conflicted. She wanted to stay home with you forever, but, at the same time, Mama wanted you to grow up in a safe place where you had space to play and run. A place where you, Mama, and Daddy could be part of a community. If Mama got this job, she and Daddy would be able to afford the home they wanted and envisioned for your future.
A couple of weeks later, Mama got a call to come in for an interview. Mama was ranked #5 out of all the applicants. She was so nervous, and still conflicted. Gramma watched you while Mama had her interview. Mama felt like the interview went really well, but, still had her doubts. The more Daddy and Mama talked, the more they knew that this job would be a game changer for their little family. The houses they had been looking at in their price range just weren’t good and the locations weren’t much better than the house they already had.
One day, when everyone was at the house getting it cleaned up and ready for Jenny, our realtor who you LOVE, to come over and take photos to list it. It was a dreary day and sprinkling outside. Mama was wearing you in the Ergo on her back. Mama’s phone rang so she ran outside and answered with you still strapped on her back. The call was about that job Mama applied and interviewed for. The job was offered to Mama with great pay and state benefits. Mama cried out of joy, and at the same time, sadness. Joy, because now, she and Daddy could start looking at houses in areas they loved and wanted to be in. Sadness, because now, Mama would be away from you all day, 5 days a week. That broke Mama’s heart and Mama was afraid that you wouldn’t understand why Mama was leaving you all day. You’d be spending the day with Gramma, but, it just wouldn’t be the same. Mama was starting her new job in less than 2 weeks.
Over those 2 weeks, Mama battled a lot of emotions every day. Mama never could understand how other working moms did it. Mama cried, a lot. She knows you remember, and, Mama is sorry you had to see her so sad. Mama just has so much love for you that she never wants to be away from you. You, sweet girl, are an old soul with a heart bigger than the ocean. You walked over and wiped Mama’s tears away each time and said “Okay, Mama?” You always make Mama feel better. Those 2 weeks flew by.
The night before Mama went to work again, she cried a lot. She watched you play, and cried. She watched you eat, and cried. She just looked at you, and cried. She watched you sleep, so peacefully and content. She cried. Mama’s first day was so hard. Not because of work, but, because she was away from you. When Mama got home that night, your face lit up and Mama cried (see the pattern, Bug? Mama did lots of crying!). Mama didn’t want to let go of you that night. She hugged and kissed you so much. She just looked at your sweet face. Mama couldn’t wait to snuggle up with you at bedtime. Mama dreaded morning because she’d have to leave you again.
Mama has been working at her job for 6 months now. A lot has changed. Our little family sold the old house and moved into an amazing house in the same neighborhood as Gramma and Papa, just a street away. You have so much space to play and you settled in to the new house so well. Mama and Daddy are so proud of you. You’re strong willed and independent and give everyone a run for their money.
Now that Mama is working again, Mama sees how other working moms do it. They don’t do it because they want to (well, some do!). They do it because they need to and because they want to provide their babies with the best life in the world, no matter what. It’s not easy. Mama really does like her job, but, if Mama could still stay home with you every day… she would do it in a heartbeat.
Mama misses seeing all of the things you do each day. Mama misses hearing the things you say each day. Mama just misses seeing you all day. Mama knows that all the other working moms feel the same way and that she’s not the only one. Mama loves you more than you’ll ever know, and, Mama wants you to have everything you need and want. That’s why Mama has to go to work each day. But, always remember that Mama will come home every evening and give you the biggest hugs and kisses in the world and ask about your day. Mama will always be there for you, sweet girl. You’re Mama’s world. I love you.